Knowing Yourself and Avoiding Self Sabotage

It's important to start at the beginning... or at least with a primary issue that often keeps us in a state of being less than who we really are, doing less than that of which we're fully capable, and seeing more in the world around us than we see within ourselves...

This is the issue I've most struggled with, but I've set an intention to transform this limiting belief with courage and with trust.

A favourite poem of mine written by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, "The Invitation" nudges the reader to reflect..

The Invitation - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Tonight in the shower, while pondering a decision as to whether or not to cancel a plan that was in direct conflict with my own best interests and evolving goals, Oriah's call to faithlessness echoed in my mind.

"I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy."

I have struggled with this all of my life... I believe many of us do.

We've been taught that faithfulness is the virtue that's most revered. This is true for me, evident in my notes on gratitude on the SPIRIT page. Faithfulness, one to the other, was an inspiring gift among many evidenced in my youth. Mum and the Aunties modeled it with such grace. Their own personal needs were secondary to the respective needs of each other. It was magical and, on occasion, comical to witness these three in action...

I admired and aspired to their level of selflessness... and have spent much of my life pleasing others (thoroughly enjoying the process) but often at my own expense, especially in terms of time spent fostering and furthering the goals and aspirations of others while shelving my own "just for now".

My inability to say no is more than a mindset... I'm hardwired energetically to get pulled into others' truth while losing my own. I tune into their energies and get caught in a conundrum - in that moment in their presence I can honestly give a whole hearted yes (I want what they want for them)... but once alone and connected back to myself, I realize that a commitment made perhaps wasn't a sound one in terms of my own reality or schedule. And my usual reaction to these challenges I've created for myself is to keep the commitment to another while ditching the commitment I'd had toward my own goals. Or... I'll run around in a frenzy trying to accomplish more than is humanly possible..

And so we come back to tonight...the shower...this whisper to ponder faithlessness.. to shift an energy and a limiting belief that has succeeded in holding me captive on a subconscious level.

It's time for me to embrace faithlessness, to embark on a journey that won't allow distractions, one that will hold me in my own truth...on my own path... one that doesn't just "please" others, but one that allows me to help others on a larger scale than I've previously permitted myself - by finally dimming all of the distractions and getting twenty years of experience into a shareable format here on these pages.

SO, I canceled the date with my sister... (the formidable one, giggle, she's REALLY hard to say no to).  And I've survived it so far...

So too, will our relationship continue to survive and thrive... she's in my corner, wants what I want for me...this I know. Despite our closeness, I do believe I'm a bit of an enigma to her, she really doesn't understand the way I'm called by spirit to be free, to go with the flow, to heed the inner signals that call me toward life, or alternatively toward a silence where I can hear wisdom's whisper. I'm hoping though, that she'll understand and appreciate that focus is essential to the task I'm currently embracing.

The "sensitives" of the world will understand this inner conflict... this tendency for their whole being to always want to say "YES". Empathy takes us there and energy takes us there... I've had this self awareness of what is both a gift, and oftentimes, a curse, for years.

But tonight I found the courage to break free of the bonds of losing myself to another, to liberate myself to embrace my own path even if my decision risked another's disappointment.

Now, this may not seem to be a particularly eloquent or noteworthy example of faithlessness...but for me... a kinisthetic "sensitive"...it was a huge leap into uncharted territory that I haven't explored until now. Sort of an unconsidered concept in my life...

Courage to be faithless when I need it most...

Fitting that I found it... just as I have always received my greatest intuitive hits...in the shower.

What this site...and this blog... are all about is ENERGY.

Chinese Medicine -the Meridians, the Strange Flows, and the Five Element Theory are just a few of the many energy protocols we'll be discussing in these pages.

Suffice it to say, however, that in Five Element Theory..

Water element is the energy of POTENTIATON...where everything begins.

And so I begin... first with letting go of the need to be fanatically faithful at any cost.. faithlessness has it's own merit when needed...and secondly, with using this personal conundrum to begin my blog.

I wish you new beginnings... in courage, in faith, in fearlessness... in whatever obstacles you may be striving to overcome...

Start with introspection, learn from what you know about yourself, and build upon that foundation, always expanding... ever listening, always trusting.

You're here for a reason... on the planet, on this page.

Wisdom's Whisper has called us here, both you and I...

Spirit's Scribe leads you toward personal empowerment... learn to heal the wounds from the past, to dance joyfully in the present, and to set intentions for the future to realize your highest self. for the higher good of humanity...

Work with the energies that act as bridge between balancing the body and raising your vibration of thought...

Ponder this...What are your gifts? Your dreams?

What is stopping you from realizing them?

Wisdom's Whisper beckons... Spirit's Scribe awaits.

Blessed be

Ever

Esther

    You're invited!

       Pease join me... updated articles and transformational techniques to enhance your wellbeing. 

 From my desk to yours...

with much love and light!

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9 thoughts on “Knowing Yourself and Avoiding Self Sabotage”

  1. Its like you read my mind! You appear to know a lot about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you could do with some pics to drive the message home a bit, but instead of that, this is great blog. An excellent read. I will certainly be back.

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